My Soul is Well with God

I started humming a song in my head today at work.  I do that a lot & quote scripture when people I'm working with have an ill spirit & are zapping my flow of positive energy I have worked up to make it through the day.  Today the song, "It is Well with my Soul"   The song is a beautiful song, offering complete surrender to God's will in our lives.  It would seem to be exactly what any Christian would want to offer God.  

For me I kept hearing the words playing over & over... as though it was taunting me...ripping through to my inner being.
All I could think of was, Justin & I immediately could feel the mother deep inside of me... Screaming... No, it is not well with my soul... it is not well with any part of me. 

I began to think about the man who wrote the song, Horatio Staffird, a father who lost 4 daughters on the same day... How,  I wandered was he able "to be well" with it such lose.  It was said, he wrote the words on his journey to meet his wife after the tragic accident, was he is shock?  Was it because he had something I don't have with my relationship with God?  Was his faith greater? Was he not as connected with his children?  Was it because there were no questions surrounding their death?   

I've learned in my grieving process never to judge another grieving parents means of grieving.  but, I myself, could never come to a logical explanation. It left me questioning so many things.  
Job also lost his children & all that he owned. He never doubted God & he never lost his faith or relationship with God... but I do not remember Job saying, it is well with soul.  His heart grieved. God did not think less of Job... He loved Job.  Job was special to him.   

So what about me.  I think in the depths of my soul, I would like to have the ability to say, No matter what God, it's OK.  But I'm more like Job in his feelings...God my heart is broken to the very core, I will never understand why, this side of heaven but I will never allow anything of this world to separate us.  This is where I must trust God knows my heart. 

             "Upon the palms of my hands I have written your name." ~ Isaiah 49:16

The tragedies in my life have taken me to a place I pray no other mother has to experience.  It took from me many things including the very person I once was.  Leaving me forced to discover the new me. Sometimes I still look in the mirror and I do not recognize myself.  Almost like someone who has suffered amnesia  That in itself is scaring.  I may not understand this new life I have been placed in but what I do know is this. Through it all, there is nothing that will shake my total trust in God.  For it is only through His love & Grace that I survived & am here to share this.  There has not been one hour that he has left my side... If at anytime I didn't sense His presence it was because I had moved in a different direction.  

As I ponder this thought today, I do not think Horatio Staffird was a "better" christian than I am, or his relationship closer to God... it is how he chose to work through his pain and that is different for each person.  For me... It is not well with my soul... but my soul is well with God.   

Standing Still vs Standing Your Ground

I have read and reread this verse and I can't count the times I have quoted it to myself and to others through the years..

"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace"...I Corinthians 14:33

We know this is true because it is biblical so does this mean if my mind is confused my thoughts are not of God. If that is true I know that is not where I want to be. Does it mean I am not truly seeking God's guidance in my situation, I'll be the first to admit, as much as I seek I know I could seek more. Does it mean my spirit and flesh are fighting against each other, very good possibility. Though we are not of this world, we are subjected to live in this world.

I'm tossing and turning, searching for answers. Carnal justice tells me to stand up for myself and family and cause someone else to suffer for the injustice they have caused us and are causing us. I know God wants us to stand for right but is that all we are suppose to do is stand and allow God's justice to prevail or are we suppose to be proactive but not allow evil to take over?

"Therefore do not fear them, For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed an hidden that will not be known Matthew 10:26

Can you see why my mind is whirling? Presently I have constant questions and advice from some very loving and caring people that I know have my very best interest at heart but I don't know what to say or do so I find myself avoiding making any decisions at all. I am not stupid and think if I don't talk about the problem it will just go away but I don't want to win the battle and lose the war, as they say.

I have never felt the presence of evil spirts swarming and twirling as I have in the last 3 years. I have come to a point that when they are close in my presence it almost takes my breath and I struggle to breath. It seems my daily mantra is rebuking satan in the name of Jesus.

1 Peter 5:8-9 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I now realized that the enemy doesn't always have to cause horrible tradegy to accomplish his goal to destroy us, it can come as easy as disabling us to take the next step and allowing ourselves to become stagnate in pursuing our ministry to glorify God.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full".John 10:10

This can come as easy as justifying our stillness by saying, I am standing still and allowing God to do the work. Such a true statement but without some form of balance we become unusable by God.  I think instead of  having the mind set of "standing still", I need to change that to a more proactive action as; "standing my ground" against the devils schemes to disable me.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. [11] Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. [12] For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. [13] Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. [14] Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, [15] and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. [16] In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. [17] Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. [18] And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.  Ephesians 6:10-18

I’ll give my life to Jesus once I

How many times have you said:
I’ll give my life to Jesus once I____(Fill In The Blank)_________

If you are waiting to be able to accomplish this on your own, it will never happen. God knew we couldn’t make this journey on our own. That is why he sent his Son to die on the cross to bear our sins. If he had not done this for us, we would never be able to go to God because we are all sinful people. You on your own will never be worthy to be in the presence of God. God knew this and because he loves us so much and wanted to have communication with us, he sent Jesus to bridge the gap for us. Jesus died to pay the price for our sins. It is because of this and only this that we have hope to eternal life.

One of the most effective tools the enemy will use to keep you from serving God is to convince you that you’ve either messed up too much to serve God, or that you must clean up your life before God would want you or can use you. Lies….. Nothing is too big for God. God is bigger than any problem you have. Don’t let satan cause you to miss out on eternal life with Jesus.
Our soul desires a relationship with God. That is what we were designed for. So when you are feeling emptiness deep inside, trust me I know, there is nothing that can fill that hole except Jesus. And Jesus will meet you right were you are.

When you are feeling convection of your sins, that is God stirring your soul to draw closer to Him. When God convicts us of sin, his goal is not to condemn us; there is no condemnation in Christ. Roman’s 5:6-11 tells us, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
So many times we get caught looking for anything that will fill the void. This is how addictions usually start. We need to escape from our pain, hurts, disappointments and our inner selflessness to please self. We want a quick fix. Only problem is that fix is temporary. The next day, those same things will be there to greet you when you wake up. A life through Jesus is the only permanent fix there is.

I am not going to disillusion you and tell you that being a Christian is always easy, it doesn’t mean we are not going to stumble or fall, it doesn’t mean that you will never hurt or feel pain; it doesn’t mean life on this earth is going to be perfect, or a walk on the beach. We will only experience this when we get to Heaven. What it does mean is, you have hope and you have a loving savior that will be by your side every step of the way and when you do stumble, he is there to catch you and will forgive you when you repent.

Look at it like on the job training. You may not have the background or previous training but you have been given the greatest opportunity to train with the Master and you have been given the training manual all at no cost to you. On top of that, your reward for accepting this position is eternal life. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Becoming a Christian is very easy. You need to acknowledge God for who He is, ask for forgiveness of your sins and dedicate your life to his service.

Here is a prayer that you can pray that will change your life forever.
"Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve you always."

Love is a Verb

God placed this thought in my head and my heart and he wouldn't let me rest until I wrote what he led me to write. I think it has a really power message.

According to Webster’s dictionary, the English language defines the word “love” as a noun.
God intended for the word love to be a verb.
As a noun the word love explains how we feel, how it affects us personally. As a verb, it shows our selfless action to share Jesus to a hurting world in a Christ like manner.
I have been reading and rereading 1 Corinthians 13:13. As much as I am what some would call a hopeless romantic and desire the feelings that love brings to my heart. I don’t think God was talking about a feeling. He was talking about an action.
What caught my attention was that we are told that between, Faith, Hope and Love, the greatest was Love. How could that be? Should my faith in God not be most important? Should my hope for eternal life not be more important? How could a feeling be more important? It is because it is not a feeling.
My faith is important, but it is personal, it is a relationship between me and a God. It is something I own, it is mine. I can share my experience but I can’t share my faith. My Hope is mine; it is my personal perception and what I long for. I can share what it means to me but I can’t share my hope. Both my faith and hope are what I received when I became a Christian.
What I can do is share love in an active form. I can reach out in the physical and allow God to work through my flesh to love others unconditionally.
I grabbed a quote from a movie I watched (I can’t remember the movie so I can’t give credit). I think it describes what I am saying, “What you feel only matters to you. It is what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters.”
Loving unconditionally is not always easy; sometimes our personal feelings get in the way. It is easy to love the loveable and easy to love those that have similar convictions and feelings, but what about those who are “different”, those who are not our reflections? If we are not able to love these people as God has instructed us to, how then can we share with them how they can have faith and hope? This is why we are told that love is the greatest, because it is the hardest. It is easy to do something when it affects us in a positive manner, like my faith and my hope, I am benefiting from them. It is when we have to step out of our box or comfort zone and give love expecting nothing in return.
Giving love unconditionally does not mean we condone sinful behaviors, it means we love in spite of the behaviors and without judgment because we know we all are with sin. We can’t help it, we live in the flesh. Our sins might be different but they are sins. What is different is, we have hope because we know that are sins are forgiven when we repent them. I know I want to be loved unconditionally; that is why I choose to love unconditionally. Unless I can love someone without conditions, I can’t not expect to be able to share the hope I have because of my faith in Jesus Christ.
The greatest of these is Love…. And Love is a Verb.

Patty Whitaker

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