My Inspiration for Today
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Why Wedding Vows?
Vow: a solemn promise or assertion ; specifically : one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition
Why do we make vows before God, family and friends to work through the bad times, to stick it out or hang in there until the problem can be resolved. Instead of the martial formalities why don't we just say what we really mean,
I marry you today but when the time comes that I don't want to be married anymore because I want to do all the things I have not be able to do, I'm not able to love you like you want to be loved, or I choose to share my life with someone else; then I will selfishly leave you. I hope when this time comes you are prepared for all the changes. So while I am furthering my career and education you should be doing the same because I will most likely make this decision later in your life and it will probably be much harder for you to start over. I decline to vow; for better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and health because if any of these fail you will not be worth the effort. I might be making this vow today but at anytime I decide its not what I want, I void all promises I am making to You, To God and to our family because my needs and wants are what is important.
When someone proposes to you, if they would forgo the empty words and be completely honest, you could make an informed decision from the start if this is the person you chose to marry and start a family with. You would know what you were dealing with and what to expect. You would be prepared when the time comes to move forward and you would be prepared to tell your children why their foundation is being split in half.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3
Why do we make vows before God, family and friends to work through the bad times, to stick it out or hang in there until the problem can be resolved. Instead of the martial formalities why don't we just say what we really mean,
I marry you today but when the time comes that I don't want to be married anymore because I want to do all the things I have not be able to do, I'm not able to love you like you want to be loved, or I choose to share my life with someone else; then I will selfishly leave you. I hope when this time comes you are prepared for all the changes. So while I am furthering my career and education you should be doing the same because I will most likely make this decision later in your life and it will probably be much harder for you to start over. I decline to vow; for better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and health because if any of these fail you will not be worth the effort. I might be making this vow today but at anytime I decide its not what I want, I void all promises I am making to You, To God and to our family because my needs and wants are what is important.
When someone proposes to you, if they would forgo the empty words and be completely honest, you could make an informed decision from the start if this is the person you chose to marry and start a family with. You would know what you were dealing with and what to expect. You would be prepared when the time comes to move forward and you would be prepared to tell your children why their foundation is being split in half.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3
Friday, June 12, 2009
Webster, Have I Got News For You
Webster defines
Divorce: the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage
Well Webster I hate to inform you there is so much more to the word.
I guess because it is not defined means there is no way to express the emotional aspect of dissolving a marriage. No way to express the long list of changes that effect everyone involved in the married couples lives. No way to express what words you use to explain to your child or grandchild the choices of the adults in their lives will change their lives forever.
The selfish part of divorce is, there are choices, they are just not considered.
So the action is self serving without regard to the negative effects it causes to others.
As I am thinking now on how the selfish actions of others causes pain and hardship for others without regard to their infinite effects , I am drawn to thoughts of Justin and how selfishly he was taken from us.
Realizing how the choices made for him by others has effected so many lives.
The two life changing events have more in common than I realized before.
There are people making decisions for mine and my children's life that have no rights to do that. Each person will have to answer and be accountable for their actions.
He saved them from the hand of the foe; from the hand of the enemy he redeemed them Psalm 106:10
I pray right now that I am mindful of how my actions effect the lives of others and in all ways strive to act in a Christ like manner.
Monday, June 8, 2009
You're Invited On A Journey
I'm finally back..I had taken a break from blogging for awhile. I feel led to start again with a new mission. I also feel ready to start back with, A Mothers Journey to Healing . I am praying for the strength to do both.
As my name says, She Doth Ponder, and anyone that knows me will say, yep she does it all the time; but with all the drama that has come upon my life in the last months, my mind has been nothing but mush. It is taken ever bit of energy to make it through each day. I haven't been able to sort through my thoughts much less find meaning to all the events to even be able to share anything worthwhile.
I have never been one to try & hide all the junk going on or has gone on in my life. I find that as I share, I find healing and in turn someone that is just starting the journey may find hope or decide that's not the direction I want to go in. Either way, here it is.
I will try to be cautious in how I share so I don't cause hardship or pain to those involved.
I have decided to allow you to join me on my new journey...D-i-v-o-r-c-e.
Yes I said it, Divorce. I know there are those who know me who are thinking, Your Kidding, Right? , No Way!, I would have never thought that!, or What else can she endure? I can assure you I have thought the very same thoughts and more when I allow my flesh to take over.
This is not my first experience with divorce. Looking back now I can see how youth and immaturity and the lack of proper guidance played a very big role in the break up of my first marriage. Never the less I regret and am shameful that I didn't seek guidance and suck it up for the benefit of Justin. I saw first hand how it destroyed a little boy's life and we all lived with the hardships it caused everyone.
So when I chose to marry again I knew I wanted to commit for the long haul. I knew I wanted more children and I promised myself and God, I never wanted another child to suffer as Justin did, I wanted to have a home that my children felt loved and happy in, a place they would always feel secure and their foundations were firm because mom and dad were allowing God to be the center of the marriage and the home. After 25 years it is fair to say we failed. We failed our promise to God, to each other and to our children.
It is not easy to be so transparent and admit failure but it is what it is. The world may have stepped in and caused obstacles but bottom line is; when a marriage fails both people have to be accountable. The failure of a marriage to thrive comes with a roller coaster of emotions but we are adults and must accept the consequence of our actions.
The real heartbreaker is the children. They are forced to deal with the results of the adults actions. What they have known as their stability and foundation is rocked and torn apart and they are not given the choice or input on how this will effect, disrupt or possibley change them or how they will view life and relationships from this point on.
To make matters worse in our situation is the lose of Justin to a tragic death. At a time when we should be drawing closer as a family to support each other, we are dealing with yet another separation, the lose of our family.
I'm a big girl and have learned through all the trails, hardships and obstacle that I have endured through my life, there are times I have to put those big girl panties on in order to survive but my heart is completely broken for Meghan and Camden.
I feel like I have failed them because I am the one that was suppose to protect them from all the hurts that have been thrown at them through no choice or action of their own.
I could share with them a list of reasons to help them make some sense of it all but for now I feel it would only add more doubt, distrust and confusion.
Right now, I'm the only one that is willing to make the needed sacrifices to avoid further damage but a marriage takes 3 and for now there are only 2 of us are here.
As angry as I am, I pray for my husband. I know in my heart and in my spirit we are dealing with a spiritual war and whether or marriage finds restoration or not his soul and his relationship with God is important to me. The children need a father and grandfather that can lead them spiritually.
So today as my heart is breaking I look to God to be my refuge and my strength
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalms 9:9
the word oppressed seems to be the perfect word in this situation: to burden spiritually or mentally : weigh heavily upon
SHE DOTH PONDER
As my name says, She Doth Ponder, and anyone that knows me will say, yep she does it all the time; but with all the drama that has come upon my life in the last months, my mind has been nothing but mush. It is taken ever bit of energy to make it through each day. I haven't been able to sort through my thoughts much less find meaning to all the events to even be able to share anything worthwhile.
I have never been one to try & hide all the junk going on or has gone on in my life. I find that as I share, I find healing and in turn someone that is just starting the journey may find hope or decide that's not the direction I want to go in. Either way, here it is.
I will try to be cautious in how I share so I don't cause hardship or pain to those involved.
I have decided to allow you to join me on my new journey...D-i-v-o-r-c-e.
Yes I said it, Divorce. I know there are those who know me who are thinking, Your Kidding, Right? , No Way!, I would have never thought that!, or What else can she endure? I can assure you I have thought the very same thoughts and more when I allow my flesh to take over.
This is not my first experience with divorce. Looking back now I can see how youth and immaturity and the lack of proper guidance played a very big role in the break up of my first marriage. Never the less I regret and am shameful that I didn't seek guidance and suck it up for the benefit of Justin. I saw first hand how it destroyed a little boy's life and we all lived with the hardships it caused everyone.
So when I chose to marry again I knew I wanted to commit for the long haul. I knew I wanted more children and I promised myself and God, I never wanted another child to suffer as Justin did, I wanted to have a home that my children felt loved and happy in, a place they would always feel secure and their foundations were firm because mom and dad were allowing God to be the center of the marriage and the home. After 25 years it is fair to say we failed. We failed our promise to God, to each other and to our children.
It is not easy to be so transparent and admit failure but it is what it is. The world may have stepped in and caused obstacles but bottom line is; when a marriage fails both people have to be accountable. The failure of a marriage to thrive comes with a roller coaster of emotions but we are adults and must accept the consequence of our actions.
The real heartbreaker is the children. They are forced to deal with the results of the adults actions. What they have known as their stability and foundation is rocked and torn apart and they are not given the choice or input on how this will effect, disrupt or possibley change them or how they will view life and relationships from this point on.
To make matters worse in our situation is the lose of Justin to a tragic death. At a time when we should be drawing closer as a family to support each other, we are dealing with yet another separation, the lose of our family.
I'm a big girl and have learned through all the trails, hardships and obstacle that I have endured through my life, there are times I have to put those big girl panties on in order to survive but my heart is completely broken for Meghan and Camden.
I feel like I have failed them because I am the one that was suppose to protect them from all the hurts that have been thrown at them through no choice or action of their own.
I could share with them a list of reasons to help them make some sense of it all but for now I feel it would only add more doubt, distrust and confusion.
Right now, I'm the only one that is willing to make the needed sacrifices to avoid further damage but a marriage takes 3 and for now there are only 2 of us are here.
As angry as I am, I pray for my husband. I know in my heart and in my spirit we are dealing with a spiritual war and whether or marriage finds restoration or not his soul and his relationship with God is important to me. The children need a father and grandfather that can lead them spiritually.
So today as my heart is breaking I look to God to be my refuge and my strength
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalms 9:9
the word oppressed seems to be the perfect word in this situation: to burden spiritually or mentally : weigh heavily upon
SHE DOTH PONDER
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I’ll give my life to Jesus once I
How many times have you said:
I’ll give my life to Jesus once I____(Fill In The Blank)_________
If you are waiting to be able to accomplish this on your own, it will never happen. God knew we couldn’t make this journey on our own. That is why he sent his Son to die on the cross to bear our sins. If he had not done this for us, we would never be able to go to God because we are all sinful people. You on your own will never be worthy to be in the presence of God. God knew this and because he loves us so much and wanted to have communication with us, he sent Jesus to bridge the gap for us. Jesus died to pay the price for our sins. It is because of this and only this that we have hope to eternal life.
One of the most effective tools the enemy will use to keep you from serving God is to convince you that you’ve either messed up too much to serve God, or that you must clean up your life before God would want you or can use you. Lies….. Nothing is too big for God. God is bigger than any problem you have. Don’t let satan cause you to miss out on eternal life with Jesus.
Our soul desires a relationship with God. That is what we were designed for. So when you are feeling emptiness deep inside, trust me I know, there is nothing that can fill that hole except Jesus. And Jesus will meet you right were you are.
When you are feeling convection of your sins, that is God stirring your soul to draw closer to Him. When God convicts us of sin, his goal is not to condemn us; there is no condemnation in Christ. Roman’s 5:6-11 tells us, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
So many times we get caught looking for anything that will fill the void. This is how addictions usually start. We need to escape from our pain, hurts, disappointments and our inner selflessness to please self. We want a quick fix. Only problem is that fix is temporary. The next day, those same things will be there to greet you when you wake up. A life through Jesus is the only permanent fix there is.
I am not going to disillusion you and tell you that being a Christian is always easy, it doesn’t mean we are not going to stumble or fall, it doesn’t mean that you will never hurt or feel pain; it doesn’t mean life on this earth is going to be perfect, or a walk on the beach. We will only experience this when we get to Heaven. What it does mean is, you have hope and you have a loving savior that will be by your side every step of the way and when you do stumble, he is there to catch you and will forgive you when you repent.
Look at it like on the job training. You may not have the background or previous training but you have been given the greatest opportunity to train with the Master and you have been given the training manual all at no cost to you. On top of that, your reward for accepting this position is eternal life. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Becoming a Christian is very easy. You need to acknowledge God for who He is, ask for forgiveness of your sins and dedicate your life to his service.
Here is a prayer that you can pray that will change your life forever.
"Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve you always."
I’ll give my life to Jesus once I____(Fill In The Blank)_________
If you are waiting to be able to accomplish this on your own, it will never happen. God knew we couldn’t make this journey on our own. That is why he sent his Son to die on the cross to bear our sins. If he had not done this for us, we would never be able to go to God because we are all sinful people. You on your own will never be worthy to be in the presence of God. God knew this and because he loves us so much and wanted to have communication with us, he sent Jesus to bridge the gap for us. Jesus died to pay the price for our sins. It is because of this and only this that we have hope to eternal life.
One of the most effective tools the enemy will use to keep you from serving God is to convince you that you’ve either messed up too much to serve God, or that you must clean up your life before God would want you or can use you. Lies….. Nothing is too big for God. God is bigger than any problem you have. Don’t let satan cause you to miss out on eternal life with Jesus.
Our soul desires a relationship with God. That is what we were designed for. So when you are feeling emptiness deep inside, trust me I know, there is nothing that can fill that hole except Jesus. And Jesus will meet you right were you are.
When you are feeling convection of your sins, that is God stirring your soul to draw closer to Him. When God convicts us of sin, his goal is not to condemn us; there is no condemnation in Christ. Roman’s 5:6-11 tells us, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
So many times we get caught looking for anything that will fill the void. This is how addictions usually start. We need to escape from our pain, hurts, disappointments and our inner selflessness to please self. We want a quick fix. Only problem is that fix is temporary. The next day, those same things will be there to greet you when you wake up. A life through Jesus is the only permanent fix there is.
I am not going to disillusion you and tell you that being a Christian is always easy, it doesn’t mean we are not going to stumble or fall, it doesn’t mean that you will never hurt or feel pain; it doesn’t mean life on this earth is going to be perfect, or a walk on the beach. We will only experience this when we get to Heaven. What it does mean is, you have hope and you have a loving savior that will be by your side every step of the way and when you do stumble, he is there to catch you and will forgive you when you repent.
Look at it like on the job training. You may not have the background or previous training but you have been given the greatest opportunity to train with the Master and you have been given the training manual all at no cost to you. On top of that, your reward for accepting this position is eternal life. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Becoming a Christian is very easy. You need to acknowledge God for who He is, ask for forgiveness of your sins and dedicate your life to his service.
Here is a prayer that you can pray that will change your life forever.
"Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve you always."
Saturday, July 5, 2008
I posted this on Justin's Blog but I thought I would post here also.
I became a Christian at the age of 6, from that time I have heard over and over, through songs, messages and reading my bible that our ultimate goal is to make it to Heaven to share eternity with God. I have always loved singing about going to Heaven and dreaming about what it will be like. Just the thought of it can give me chills. It is what I long for and why I strive daily to keep in God's will for my life.
But it all seems so different when someone we love leaves us. When they have reached their finally destination, their ultimate goal and we are left here grieving our loss.
Corinne told me one day that she did not grieve for Justin and then worried that what she had said upset me. It didn't because once I processed what she had said, I realized that is what I was feeling. I don't grieve for Justin, because he has made it, he is basking in all the wonders of Heaven and is able to be in the midst of Jesus.
It is me that I grieve for, my loss, my longing to hold him, to have him say, love ya mom, to have him call me early in the morning and say, time to get up lady, to see him playing with Camden or to even have one of our disagreements.
I have said as a mother it would be so selfish of me to want him to come back now that he has made it to paradise. Well, that is my spiritual side but I can tell you my flesh is selfish. I admit it.
I need to find a way to recalibrate my balance because right now my spirit and flesh are all out of whack. I find I am struggling to keep my head clear because the back and forth thoughts never stop. These emotions are the hardest things to try and explain to someone that has never lost a child. They are so intense and draining. Sometimes I find it easier to not try to explain and just stay by myself. It is not the healthiest thing to do but it is all I know to do right now and then I feel guilty for staying away. It is a roller coaster that never ends. It is true, you grieve as deeply as you loved.
A few days ago mama shared with me that she had an overwhelming feeling that she would be with Justin soon. My first response was, don't do this to me, not now and then I remembered how so many times I wished God would just come and get me but then I remembered those that would be left here and I would feel so torn. That thought brought on a whole new emotions and confusion. I love my mother so much and I would do anything I could to make her life better and to make her happy but I am just not ready to let her go. I know she has struggled through so many hardships in her life. I know she is probably worn and tired and what she has strived for all of her Christian life might be looking more appealing to her but I am selfish. The thought of losing a child and a mother is more than I can comprehend right now.
God is not the author of confusion, so I know it is not God's will for me to be living in this state of mind.
I am thankful that through my deepest heartbreak my faith in God has not faltered and that He understands me and my confusion and thankful that through grace he forgives me for my shortcomings and I pray He will bring peace and understanding to my heart and show me how to live again.
Death is such a personal experience for each individual. Everyone handles it differently and it depends greatly on which side of it you are on.
I became a Christian at the age of 6, from that time I have heard over and over, through songs, messages and reading my bible that our ultimate goal is to make it to Heaven to share eternity with God. I have always loved singing about going to Heaven and dreaming about what it will be like. Just the thought of it can give me chills. It is what I long for and why I strive daily to keep in God's will for my life.
But it all seems so different when someone we love leaves us. When they have reached their finally destination, their ultimate goal and we are left here grieving our loss.
Corinne told me one day that she did not grieve for Justin and then worried that what she had said upset me. It didn't because once I processed what she had said, I realized that is what I was feeling. I don't grieve for Justin, because he has made it, he is basking in all the wonders of Heaven and is able to be in the midst of Jesus.
It is me that I grieve for, my loss, my longing to hold him, to have him say, love ya mom, to have him call me early in the morning and say, time to get up lady, to see him playing with Camden or to even have one of our disagreements.
I have said as a mother it would be so selfish of me to want him to come back now that he has made it to paradise. Well, that is my spiritual side but I can tell you my flesh is selfish. I admit it.
I need to find a way to recalibrate my balance because right now my spirit and flesh are all out of whack. I find I am struggling to keep my head clear because the back and forth thoughts never stop. These emotions are the hardest things to try and explain to someone that has never lost a child. They are so intense and draining. Sometimes I find it easier to not try to explain and just stay by myself. It is not the healthiest thing to do but it is all I know to do right now and then I feel guilty for staying away. It is a roller coaster that never ends. It is true, you grieve as deeply as you loved.
A few days ago mama shared with me that she had an overwhelming feeling that she would be with Justin soon. My first response was, don't do this to me, not now and then I remembered how so many times I wished God would just come and get me but then I remembered those that would be left here and I would feel so torn. That thought brought on a whole new emotions and confusion. I love my mother so much and I would do anything I could to make her life better and to make her happy but I am just not ready to let her go. I know she has struggled through so many hardships in her life. I know she is probably worn and tired and what she has strived for all of her Christian life might be looking more appealing to her but I am selfish. The thought of losing a child and a mother is more than I can comprehend right now.
God is not the author of confusion, so I know it is not God's will for me to be living in this state of mind.
I am thankful that through my deepest heartbreak my faith in God has not faltered and that He understands me and my confusion and thankful that through grace he forgives me for my shortcomings and I pray He will bring peace and understanding to my heart and show me how to live again.
Death is such a personal experience for each individual. Everyone handles it differently and it depends greatly on which side of it you are on.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Love is a Verb
God placed this thought in my head and my heart and he wouldn't let me rest until I wrote what he led me to write. I think it has a really power message. 
According to Webster’s dictionary, the English language defines the word “love” as a noun.
God intended for the word love to be a verb.
As a noun the word love explains how we feel, how it affects us personally. As a verb, it shows our selfless action to share Jesus to a hurting world in a Christ like manner.
I have been reading and rereading 1 Corinthians 13:13. As much as I am what some would call a hopeless romantic and desire the feelings that love brings to my heart. I don’t think God was talking about a feeling. He was talking about an action.
What caught my attention was that we are told that between, Faith, Hope and Love, the greatest was Love. How could that be? Should my faith in God not be most important? Should my hope for eternal life not be more important? How could a feeling be more important? It is because it is not a feeling.
My faith is important, but it is personal, it is a relationship between me and a God. It is something I own, it is mine. I can share my experience but I can’t share my faith. My Hope is mine; it is my personal perception and what I long for. I can share what it means to me but I can’t share my hope. Both my faith and hope are what I received when I became a Christian.
What I can do is share love in an active form. I can reach out in the physical and allow God to work through my flesh to love others unconditionally.
I grabbed a quote from a movie I watched (I can’t remember the movie so I can’t give credit). I think it describes what I am saying, “What you feel only matters to you. It is what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters.”
Loving unconditionally is not always easy; sometimes our personal feelings get in the way. It is easy to love the loveable and easy to love those that have similar convictions and feelings, but what about those who are “different”, those who are not our reflections? If we are not able to love these people as God has instructed us to, how then can we share with them how they can have faith and hope? This is why we are told that love is the greatest, because it is the hardest. It is easy to do something when it affects us in a positive manner, like my faith and my hope, I am benefiting from them. It is when we have to step out of our box or comfort zone and give love expecting nothing in return.
Giving love unconditionally does not mean we condone sinful behaviors, it means we love in spite of the behaviors and without judgment because we know we all are with sin. We can’t help it, we live in the flesh. Our sins might be different but they are sins. What is different is, we have hope because we know that are sins are forgiven when we repent them. I know I want to be loved unconditionally; that is why I choose to love unconditionally. Unless I can love someone without conditions, I can’t not expect to be able to share the hope I have because of my faith in Jesus Christ.
The greatest of these is Love…. And Love is a Verb.
God intended for the word love to be a verb.
As a noun the word love explains how we feel, how it affects us personally. As a verb, it shows our selfless action to share Jesus to a hurting world in a Christ like manner.
I have been reading and rereading 1 Corinthians 13:13. As much as I am what some would call a hopeless romantic and desire the feelings that love brings to my heart. I don’t think God was talking about a feeling. He was talking about an action.
What caught my attention was that we are told that between, Faith, Hope and Love, the greatest was Love. How could that be? Should my faith in God not be most important? Should my hope for eternal life not be more important? How could a feeling be more important? It is because it is not a feeling.
My faith is important, but it is personal, it is a relationship between me and a God. It is something I own, it is mine. I can share my experience but I can’t share my faith. My Hope is mine; it is my personal perception and what I long for. I can share what it means to me but I can’t share my hope. Both my faith and hope are what I received when I became a Christian.
What I can do is share love in an active form. I can reach out in the physical and allow God to work through my flesh to love others unconditionally.
I grabbed a quote from a movie I watched (I can’t remember the movie so I can’t give credit). I think it describes what I am saying, “What you feel only matters to you. It is what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters.”
Loving unconditionally is not always easy; sometimes our personal feelings get in the way. It is easy to love the loveable and easy to love those that have similar convictions and feelings, but what about those who are “different”, those who are not our reflections? If we are not able to love these people as God has instructed us to, how then can we share with them how they can have faith and hope? This is why we are told that love is the greatest, because it is the hardest. It is easy to do something when it affects us in a positive manner, like my faith and my hope, I am benefiting from them. It is when we have to step out of our box or comfort zone and give love expecting nothing in return.
Giving love unconditionally does not mean we condone sinful behaviors, it means we love in spite of the behaviors and without judgment because we know we all are with sin. We can’t help it, we live in the flesh. Our sins might be different but they are sins. What is different is, we have hope because we know that are sins are forgiven when we repent them. I know I want to be loved unconditionally; that is why I choose to love unconditionally. Unless I can love someone without conditions, I can’t not expect to be able to share the hope I have because of my faith in Jesus Christ.
The greatest of these is Love…. And Love is a Verb.
Patty Whitaker
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