No Matter What..Leave Your God Light On

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.Matthew 5:16

Do you remember the slogan for Motel 6?
And We'll Leave The Light On.
I got to thinking...not a bad idea for Christians.

I know at this moment in my life it may appear I am fighting against flesh and since we live in the flesh I know this is true but I know the bigger battle is a spiritual war and I praise God that he is on my side. By saying that doesn't mean it's not painful and not a struggle but it does mean I have someone bigger than this world to love me and to keep me surrounded, protected and in the center of His wings.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings Psalm 17:8

I love this verse, it brings me comfort to know I am the apple of God's eye and He forever has His arms around me not matter what. I love knowing how much God loves me and wants to protect me. It is the ultimate of unconditional love. (that's a whole nother ponder :)

OK back to my point

I know in both situations, I am in the midst of a spiritual war and what may effect myself and my family could also effect those watching from afar.
Maybe how I handle my situations could determine someones desire to draw close to God or even their salvation.

I didn't really consider this until the other day, a internet friend I have had for a number of years reconnected with me on Facebook, she told me of some hardships going on in her life but she told me some fantastic news, she had made the decision to give her heart and life to God. Then she shared something that touched me more than you can imagine and made me realize how important it is no matter the situation to always allow others to see how we as Christians handle situations and where we draw are strength,

(I'm sure she will not mind me sharing) she said,
I completely agree that with out Jesus in my life right now I would not even be able to get out of bed each day and face what is in front of me....believe it or not Patty I think you may have had a lot to do with my decision to turn my life over to God...when I saw how strong it made you after Justins death and how you made it thru I knew that it was the only way I could handle just the petty things in my life.

Wow....Can you see how this could have easily went the other direction? How I acted or reacted, what I did or didn't say could have could have caused this dear friend to say, She calls herself a Christian but in the midst of her trials her actions are those of the world, where is this God she talks about, why is He not giving her the strength and comfort she desperately needs and if He is what she says He is why is she not leaning and depending on Him?

I thanked God when I read this that I have been able to stay humble through hardships and I thanked him for controlling my thoughts and fingers as they have typed my words of despair.
I know in my heart my sharing of my life is a way towards healing for myself and hopefully an encouragement to those who are on my path but I pray that I am ever mindfully of the effect it will have on others.

this little light of mine....I'm gonna let it shine....

The Climb

My Inspiration for Today

Why Wedding Vows?

Vow: a solemn promise or assertion ; specifically : one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition

Why do we make vows before God, family and friends to work through the bad times, to stick it out or hang in there until the problem can be resolved. Instead of the martial formalities why don't we just say what we really mean,

I marry you today but when the time comes that I don't want to be married anymore because I want to do all the things I have not be able to do, I'm not able to love you like you want to be loved, or I choose to share my life with someone else; then I will selfishly leave you. I hope when this time comes you are prepared for all the changes. So while I am furthering my career and education you should be doing the same because I will most likely make this decision later in your life and it will probably be much harder for you to start over. I decline to vow; for better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and health because if any of these fail you will not be worth the effort. I might be making this vow today but at anytime I decide its not what I want, I void all promises I am making to You, To God and to our family because my needs and wants are what is important.

When someone proposes to you, if they would forgo the empty words and be completely honest, you could make an informed decision from the start if this is the person you chose to marry and start a family with. You would know what you were dealing with and what to expect. You would be prepared when the time comes to move forward and you would be prepared to tell your children why their foundation is being split in half.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3

Webster, Have I Got News For You

Webster defines

Divorce: the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage

Well Webster I hate to inform you there is so much more to the word.

I guess because it is not defined means there is no way to express the emotional aspect of dissolving a marriage. No way to express the long list of changes that effect everyone involved in the married couples lives. No way to express what words you use to explain to your child or grandchild the choices of the adults in their lives will change their lives forever.

The selfish part of divorce is, there are choices, they are just not considered.

So the action is self serving without regard to the negative effects it causes to others.

As I am thinking now on how the selfish actions of others causes pain and hardship for others without regard to their infinite effects , I am drawn to thoughts of Justin and how selfishly he was taken from us.

Realizing how the choices made for him by others has effected so many lives.

The two life changing events have more in common than I realized before.

There are people making decisions for mine and my children's life that have no rights to do that. Each person will have to answer and be accountable for their actions.

He saved them from the hand of the foe; from the hand of the enemy he redeemed them Psalm 106:10

I pray right now that I am mindful of how my actions effect the lives of others and in all ways strive to act in a Christ like manner.

You're Invited On A Journey

I'm finally back..I had taken a break from blogging for awhile. I feel led to start again with a new mission. I also feel ready to start back with, A Mothers Journey to Healing . I am praying for the strength to do both.

As my name says, She Doth Ponder, and anyone that knows me will say, yep she does it all the time; but with all the drama that has come upon my life in the last months, my mind has been nothing but mush. It is taken ever bit of energy to make it through each day. I haven't been able to sort through my thoughts much less find meaning to all the events to even be able to share anything worthwhile.

I have never been one to try & hide all the junk going on or has gone on in my life. I find that as I share, I find healing and in turn someone that is just starting the journey may find hope or decide that's not the direction I want to go in. Either way, here it is.
I will try to be cautious in how I share so I don't cause hardship or pain to those involved.

I have decided to allow you to join me on my new journey...D-i-v-o-r-c-e.
Yes I said it, Divorce. I know there are those who know me who are thinking, Your Kidding, Right? , No Way!, I would have never thought that!, or What else can she endure? I can assure you I have thought the very same thoughts and more when I allow my flesh to take over.

This is not my first experience with divorce. Looking back now I can see how youth and immaturity and the lack of proper guidance played a very big role in the break up of my first marriage. Never the less I regret and am shameful that I didn't seek guidance and suck it up for the benefit of Justin. I saw first hand how it destroyed a little boy's life and we all lived with the hardships it caused everyone.

So when I chose to marry again I knew I wanted to commit for the long haul. I knew I wanted more children and I promised myself and God, I never wanted another child to suffer as Justin did, I wanted to have a home that my children felt loved and happy in, a place they would always feel secure and their foundations were firm because mom and dad were allowing God to be the center of the marriage and the home. After 25 years it is fair to say we failed. We failed our promise to God, to each other and to our children.


It is not easy to be so transparent and admit failure but it is what it is. The world may have stepped in and caused obstacles but bottom line is; when a marriage fails both people have to be accountable. The failure of a marriage to thrive comes with a roller coaster of emotions but we are adults and must accept the consequence of our actions.

The real heartbreaker is the children. They are forced to deal with the results of the adults actions. What they have known as their stability and foundation is rocked and torn apart and they are not given the choice or input on how this will effect, disrupt or possibley change them or how they will view life and relationships from this point on.

To make matters worse in our situation is the lose of Justin to a tragic death. At a time when we should be drawing closer as a family to support each other, we are dealing with yet another separation, the lose of our family.

I'm a big girl and have learned through all the trails, hardships and obstacle that I have endured through my life, there are times I have to put those big girl panties on in order to survive but my heart is completely broken for Meghan and Camden.

I feel like I have failed them because I am the one that was suppose to protect them from all the hurts that have been thrown at them through no choice or action of their own.

I could share with them a list of reasons to help them make some sense of it all but for now I feel it would only add more doubt, distrust and confusion.

Right now, I'm the only one that is willing to make the needed sacrifices to avoid further damage but a marriage takes 3 and for now there are only 2 of us are here.


As angry as I am, I pray for my husband. I know in my heart and in my spirit we are dealing with a spiritual war and whether or marriage finds restoration or not his soul and his relationship with God is important to me. The children need a father and grandfather that can lead them spiritually.
So today as my heart is breaking I look to God to be my refuge and my strength

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalms 9:9
the word oppressed seems to be the perfect word in this situation: to burden spiritually or mentally : weigh heavily upon


SHE DOTH PONDER